Pedro will be devastated

I swear I could just make this a non-stop stream of YouTube videos, and I’d have enough content to fill 3 blogs. Seeing as how I can barely manage to update this one, I’ll stick with one for now.

Today, I would like you to meet two new friends of WPU. I don’t know their names, and neither does anyone else. We’ll call the one on the left “Napoleon Dynamite”, because even though he’s hiding his face in an unsurprising act of cowardice, it sure does sound like him. We’ll call the one on the right “White Trash Will Leitch”, because of the Cardinals hat.

Oh, man. It’s only a minute and four seconds, but got enough awesome in it for at least 5 minutes. First, I like that they’re filming in the kitchen, with a crock pot directly behind them. We all know what goes best with dunderheaded racist bloviating: The hearty smell of simmering beef stew!

Then he mentions “dirty immigrants taking the white man’s job”. I knew the economy was in bad shape, but it’s really entered a new dimension when there’s only one job left. You better polish up your resume, because you’re going to be competing against everyone for “the job”. I mean, I have a lot of experience in some different fields, but I just don’t know if I’m as qualified as, say, Barack Obama….Noam Chomsky might also have the inside track. What about Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin? All the Supreme Court Justices have solid resumes, too. I think I’m going to go to my trump card: The glossy cover letter.

Also, I like how Nappy-D is obviously reading from a script, but still uses interjections like “freaking” and “fucking” to hammer home his points. Did he write those in there, or was that just some grade A ad lib?

That was classic, though. It’s just too bad we’ll never find another pair of individuals as classy,charismatic, and brave as these two guys that form NAZI NATION

OHHHH SNAP! HOLD UP! We haven’t heard from ARYAN AUTHORITY yet:

I don’t know which tag-team I like more. NAZI NATION? ARYAN AUTHORITY? NAZI NATION? ARYAN AUTHORITY? It’s like choosing which testicle I’d rather lose! I love them both!

Heyyyyy..waiiiit a second. These “Aryan Authority” guys look familiar. Well, fuck me sideways! Aryan Authority IS Nazi Nation! Finkle is Einhorn! Einhorn is Finkle!

I see what you did there. You switch sides, and the name of your lonely, retarded friendship changes.

I’ve got nothing more to say about these guys. It’s not fair. It’s like picking on the severely handicapped.

You two are FUCKING MORONS.

UPDATE: I tried searching for these videos again because I wanted to make a YouTube comment on each of them (and I did…check them out), but I couldn’t find them. I especially couldn’t find the “Aryan Authority” one. Why? Because both their Youtube username and video title are spelled “Ayran” Authority. What the fuck is an Ayran? Morons. Master race my ass.

The Nigger Files: Can you say the word?

I’m gonna start a new feature here at the WPU, it’s gonna be called “The Nigger Files”.  It’s going to be about all the latest happenings with the world’s most hated word. 

Why am I giving it such an abrasive title? Well, because I can do whatever the fuck I want. Being half black rules!

So,  acclaimed rapper and actor  Most Definitely (Mos Def to his friends) challenged fellow blacktors Mike Epps, Donald Faison, and Wood Harris (is this a porn movie?) to refrain from saying the unholiest of unholies during the filming of their upcoming movie “Next Day Air”.

“It was something that was very important to us. It was our way of making a statement that we can express ourselves without using the N-word,” Harris told Starpulse.  

“But it wasn’t just in the movie that we banned the word. We also banned it on set,” he added. “No one could say it. At first it was difficult, but we really stayed on top of each other.  

Really? It was that hard…to not call each other “Nigga”? Congrats on the breakthrough, though.

So, Mos Def be damned, black people are going to call each other “Nigga” for a long time. I know white kids say it to each other all the time. You can’t hide it from me! I know all your darkest secrets! 

Being only a halfie, I wasn’t sure for a long time whether or not I was allowed to say it. Then again, I used to not be able to unhook a bra (may still be true).  I came to the conclusion, that: Yes I can say it. Why? Not because I have Jamaican blood in me, but because I say it with confidence. It’s like trying to sit in in the front row when you actually bought nosebleed seats. You just have to act like you know what you’re doing. Have your hands full with hot dogs and sodas, give the man a knowing smile, and just let loose with a “WHAT UP, NIGGA?”

Now, I’m not saying you won’t get your ass kicked. In fact, your entire life might fall apart like Michael Richards, but at least you can say you went down with style.

Now,  if you’re an aspiring white song writer, you can use the word but ONLY if:

1)You’re supporting a black man’s cause, like Bob Dylan in “Hurricane”

2)Telling a heroic tale from the perspective of an oppressed black man, like Two Gallants in “Long Summer Day”

Who else can say it? Well, you can, if you are:

1)A girl who regularly has sex with black guys. This doesn’t work for guys who have sex with black girls, though. Girls get more leeway, because they’ve had their own civil rights struggles.

2)A guy who’s married to a black woman. You bought the ring, and it comes with privileges. This also definitely works if a white girl marries a black guy..obviously.

3)Someone who is singing the lyrics to their favorite rap song. Don’t ruin the magical bonding moment of rapping with your friends by mumbling or omitting a key word. Chris Rock hits the nail on the head, like always:

 

So, yeah. Get your Dre on.

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