When is it okay to admit you’re a racist?

“Are you okay with racial jokes?”

I get asked this question quite a bit…I always get asked it after I tell a tasteless joke, being that the only tasteless jokes a lot of people know are racist jokes.  My tasteless jokes are never involving race. That doesn’t really mean anything, but that’s just how it is. Call it coincidence (Maybe I just think “BLACK PEOPLE LIKE FRIED CHICKEN!!!”, “WHITE PEOPLE CANT DANCE!”, “ASIAN PEOPLE EAT CATS!”, “MEXICANS TAKE SIESTAS!” jokes are unfunny and lazy). I don’t find them offensive, but who knows what is offensive to anyone in particular? Well, I think I do, and I lump race jokes in with discussion about religon and politics. They’re all in the “too much of a headache to deal with unless someone else has something novel to say about it” camp.

Anyways, I, without fail, say that I am comfortable with race jokes. That’s because I am, as long as they’re funny, and/or relevant. The problem therein lies that MOST PEOPLE HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT IS FUNNY. If people aren’t consistently doubled over after you say something with the intention of making people laugh, then you aren’t fucking funny, and you probably shouldn’t be allowed to do racist jokes, because that’s like giving a downs kid a nuke. Too much dangerous power to let a mental defective wield.

The worst thing I hear is the whole “I’m not racist, I hate every ethnicity!” line. No, you don’t . You are a racist. Just admit it! It’s fine to be a racist, just as long as you admit it. Yeah, it’s true…you’ll be shunned by society and forever rendered irrelevant, but at least you stuck to your own personal values.



Editor Opinion: Native American mascots are wrong PART ONE

The Atlanta Braves….The Florida State University Seminoles….The Washington Redskins….The Chicago Blackhawks…The University of North Dakota Fighting Sioux..

These are crappy teams (save for the UND hockey team….they’re good or something..I don’t follow college hockey), but they also share something else in common. Yes, they all bastardize, and in some cases, mock, Native American culture and tradition.

If you ask any fan of these teams about the controversy over their nicknames, they respond with something to the effect of

“What the fuck are you talking about, hippie? These nicknames are merely honoring the warrior spirit of those Native Americans!”

No, actually, you are not, and they are not. The forefathers of this country massacred the people of a gentle, noble society. I don’t care if you’re “a quarter cherokee”. It’s most likely because of a rape somewhere along the timeline. No group needs a fucking football team nickname to validate their existence. These nicknames merely patronize the 2 or 3 Natives left.

We also have this retort, which I like equally:

The Native American Elders already voted in approval of keeping the nickname.

Uh, yeah. There are corrupt people in every walk of life. These “elders” have most likely been sucking on the teat of capitalism long enough that selling out their proud heritage is just another dance step in the cash grab tango. Have you seen these political commercials these tribes run? There’s a “Chief” dressed in a polo shirt basically sucking on your pussy lips trying to manipulate your vote. It’s sad and pathetic. These fucks would vote yes on anything that had any positive monetary consequences. These guys are bought easier than Peyton Manning. They’ll do anything.

To say that they represent the Native American spirit would be like saying P Diddy represents the musicians spirit. P Diddy doesn’t care about anything besides making money, and these Chiefs are in it for the money. I could convince these “Tribal Leaders” that cheese graters are fun to fuck, as long as I waved big money in their face.

    Fun With New Ethnic Nicknames

Yeah, there’s the “Fighting Irish”. What fight have the Irish ever been in, besides fighting amongst themselves? The idiotic Notre Dame leprechaun does not compare to the Native American mascots. Have you ever seen a leprechaun? It’s different when you are using folklore as a mascot, as opposed to an “enemy” that you needlessly vanquished in a back-stabbing land-grab (And weren’t the British the ones we were trying to gain independence from? How funny that our fuckhead forefathers decided to use the same tactics in forging their own country. Assholes.). The Native Americans have no “leprechaun”. They have real heroes from the past that are being mined for all they are worth, in the name of 50,000 dumbfucks being able to live vicariously through idiots that are just more athletically gifted than themselves (I love sports. LOVE them. I watch them religiously, but I can admit to the retardation of it all)

What if these nicknames were actually evened out? How about a a German soccer team calling themselves the “Fighting Jews”. How about a basketball team from New Jersey calling themselves “The Robert E. Lees”. How about a Russian hockey team called “Chechens”.

The mockery of it is not understandable until you are part of the race being mocked, and even then, it’s not certain, depending on your price tag.