Stormfront.org has a message board

I’ve been reading this laugh factory for a few years now, but I think it’s time everyone else enjoy the mind-boggling insanity of the stormfront.org forums.

It not only adheres to, but worships, the steadfast internet adage of “Post a picture of a cute puppy, and three posts later you’re gonna see the word ‘nigger'”

Anyhow, if you’ve ever doubted that racist trash walks amongst us, doubt no more after visiting the petting zoo that is the stormfront.org forums.

Fuck..just…fuck. It’s difficult to articulate just how dumbfounded I am every time I visit this site. It takes rationality and rapes it so hard over and over and over and over.

Y’all suck.

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Holocaust Gunman: No coincidence, he hated Jews

Well, it finally happened. A batshit Nazi decided, at last, to try to go on a killing spree at the Holocaust Museum in D.C.. Luckily for everyone, he was an 88 year old man.

James von Brunn served six years in prison for trying to make what he called a “legal, non-violent citizens arrest” of Federal Reserve board members in 1981 — a sentence he blamed on “a Negro jury, Jew/Negro attorneys” and “a Jew judge,” he said on his Web site, “Holy Western Empire.”

Did you ever think maybe he’s latino? In Spanish, the word for black is “Negro”, and sometimes Spanish-speakers pronounce the word “You” more like “Jew”. So maybe he’s not a bigot at all, but a latin man.

Von Brunn is a native of St. Louis, Missouri, and a 1943 graduate of Washington University there.

Well, I guess not.

Von Brunn was in critical condition Wednesday afternoon after being shot by a security guard at the museum. Another guard, Stephen Tyrone Johns, was killed in the shooting, museum officials said Wednesday afternoon.

Wait, they didn’t even kill him? An 88-year old man got shot by a bunch of guards, and he’s still alive? And the one guy he killed at the Holocaust Museum was a black guy?

I hear when he recovers he’s going to go to the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum and kill a Jewish Tour Guide. It’s crafty! They don’t see it coming!

Holocaust Museum shooting – CNN

Pedro will be devastated

I swear I could just make this a non-stop stream of YouTube videos, and I’d have enough content to fill 3 blogs. Seeing as how I can barely manage to update this one, I’ll stick with one for now.

Today, I would like you to meet two new friends of WPU. I don’t know their names, and neither does anyone else. We’ll call the one on the left “Napoleon Dynamite”, because even though he’s hiding his face in an unsurprising act of cowardice, it sure does sound like him. We’ll call the one on the right “White Trash Will Leitch”, because of the Cardinals hat.

Oh, man. It’s only a minute and four seconds, but got enough awesome in it for at least 5 minutes. First, I like that they’re filming in the kitchen, with a crock pot directly behind them. We all know what goes best with dunderheaded racist bloviating: The hearty smell of simmering beef stew!

Then he mentions “dirty immigrants taking the white man’s job”. I knew the economy was in bad shape, but it’s really entered a new dimension when there’s only one job left. You better polish up your resume, because you’re going to be competing against everyone for “the job”. I mean, I have a lot of experience in some different fields, but I just don’t know if I’m as qualified as, say, Barack Obama….Noam Chomsky might also have the inside track. What about Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin? All the Supreme Court Justices have solid resumes, too. I think I’m going to go to my trump card: The glossy cover letter.

Also, I like how Nappy-D is obviously reading from a script, but still uses interjections like “freaking” and “fucking” to hammer home his points. Did he write those in there, or was that just some grade A ad lib?

That was classic, though. It’s just too bad we’ll never find another pair of individuals as classy,charismatic, and brave as these two guys that form NAZI NATION

OHHHH SNAP! HOLD UP! We haven’t heard from ARYAN AUTHORITY yet:

I don’t know which tag-team I like more. NAZI NATION? ARYAN AUTHORITY? NAZI NATION? ARYAN AUTHORITY? It’s like choosing which testicle I’d rather lose! I love them both!

Heyyyyy..waiiiit a second. These “Aryan Authority” guys look familiar. Well, fuck me sideways! Aryan Authority IS Nazi Nation! Finkle is Einhorn! Einhorn is Finkle!

I see what you did there. You switch sides, and the name of your lonely, retarded friendship changes.

I’ve got nothing more to say about these guys. It’s not fair. It’s like picking on the severely handicapped.

You two are FUCKING MORONS.

UPDATE: I tried searching for these videos again because I wanted to make a YouTube comment on each of them (and I did…check them out), but I couldn’t find them. I especially couldn’t find the “Aryan Authority” one. Why? Because both their Youtube username and video title are spelled “Ayran” Authority. What the fuck is an Ayran? Morons. Master race my ass.

Getting to know racist groups: The Minuteman Civil Defense Corps

Not all racist groups run around with white hoods, shaved heads, swastika armbands, or black boots with red laces. Some racist groups are just old people. Old people who like America “The way it was”. Nevermind that “The way it was” is just code for “The way it was before the brown people came”.

He’s how the leader of the group, Chris Simcox, describes the MCDC (cool…almost sounds like AC/DC):

You are reading this because you believe that you can actively participate in one of the most important, socially responsible, and peaceful movements for justice since the civil rights movement of the 1960s.

Well, no. I’m pretty much just reading this so I can make fun of you, but whatever.

You have debated, you have begged, you have pleaded with your government officials — public servants whom you trusted to stand by the oath they took when sworn into office to protect the United States from invasion by enemies foreign and domestic.

Begging for protection? Did Simcox walk into his local representative’s office, fall to the floor, and grab onto his/her pantlegs, sobbing:

“Oh, God! I’ll do anything! Just save me from the Messicans! I’ll do anything….I’LL SUCK YO DICK!”

Sorry…I just love using that quote.

The human flood breaching our Homeland Defense is not necessarily the enemy per se; drug dealers, criminals and potential terrorists are, and they should be the source of any ire you may be experiencing.

So, let’s see. The one terrorist attack that has ever happened on US soil was led by Mohamed Atta. How did Atta wind up in America? By legal immigration! He flew here on a commercial flight! So, if it’s terrorists we’re worried about, why don’t we shut down all international tourism while we’re at it. Nobody can come here ever. Sure, we can leave to go to other countries, but we’re not allowed to come back. Why? Well, we could have been brainwashed by terrorists on our vacation, and we need America to be safe!

You are considering joining the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps not because of bias towards people from another country, but rather because you feel your government owes the citizens of the United States protection from people who wish to take advantage of a free society.

So, we’ve evolved from “Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses” to “Keep out”? I wonder where we would go from “Keep out”. Maybe all non-Americans could wear something on their clothes signifying their foreign status. Hell, how about tattoos…kind of like human serial numbers! God, I see how this starts. It’s addicting to think of all the dizzying possibilities!

I come from a generation that has lost the ideal that we are a “can-do nation.”

Simcox, you were born in 1961. The only thing the people of “your generation” are known for doing is a ton of coke and actually paying money to go see Rocky V.

You must be willing to accept the following plan, or you, as a segment of a larger group, are doomed to be remembered in history as representative not of the strongest character, but rather as the weakest link in our maligned and misunderstood group of truly patriotic nationalists. You must understand in the deepest ways the importance of our challenge.

The deepest ways? Is this some sort of Shaolin martial art? Or is it sitting in a deck chair outside of a Winnebago, sipping on Tom Collins mix, occasionally taking a break from silent time to adjust your eagle hat or clean your rifle and imagine the chance you’d get to blow away some poor Mexican farmer with it?

If one single individual steps over the line for their personal gratification, we are all stained with that irresponsible behavior, and labeled forever as a fringe element that embarrasses all who are counting on us to make this historic statement.

Yeah, you don’t want to be known as a fringe element. You don’t want to be seen as small lot of wingnuts….The real fun begins about a minute in:

Minutemanhq.com

The boy who loved Barry Bonds

It all started in a hotel room when I was 9. My dad and I were winding down the night and watching SportsCenter. Next to the head of one of the anchorpeople sat an image of Barry Bonds with a superimposed Giants cap on. Barry Bonds had just officially ended his tenure with the Pittsburgh Pirates, and was going to get paid an astronomical amount of money to play with my favorite team.

A lot of time has passed since that night, and a lot of events have transpired, but for me, the biggest thing that has happened is that Barry Bonds singlehandedly made baseball my favorite sport, and the Giants my favorite team.

When you’re a child, and a dedicated sports fan, the sports take on much importance than when you’re an adult. You really don’t have too many things to worry about. When the 49ers or Giants would lose, it would render me inconsolable. Likewise, when they would win, it filled me an exceptional feeling of hope and pride. Everything in the world was going to be just fine.

Barry Bonds provided me with so many of those moments, that I feel forever indebted to him. For many years, I went to a private school 25 miles away from my house. My mom would drive me there, go to work at the housecleaning business she owned, and then come to the school and detail the preschool rooms, teacher’s lounge, and office, in exchange for having the tuition waived. One morning, she was riding in the passenger seat of her Plymouth workvan, while my stepdad was driving. At one point, she looked out of her window, and gave an “ok” sign. I looked out and saw none other than Barry Bonds, with his very young daughter, in his custom-built Porsche. My mom didn’t know who he was, she was just giving him kudos for the car. I immediately lost all of my sanity, and began waving and screaming my adoration. Barry saw the fluttering mass that was my tiny body, smiled, and gave me a thumbs up.

If Barry Bonds was, and had turned out to be just a decent player, I still would have remembered it forever. Barry Bonds didn’t turn out to be just a decent player. Barry Bonds turned out to be a deity in cleats, at least for me, and many, many Giants fans.

Obviously, when anyone mentions the name Barry Bonds now, the first thing that comes up is “steroids”. I went through a few phases during the whole Balco scandal. First was denial. “Barry Bonds is just a great baseball player, he’s never tested positive, and all of you are jealous that he’s ours!”

Second was acceptance. “Yeah, Barry probably did steroids, but he’s still a great baseball player, and all of you are jealous that he’s ours!”

Third was deliverance. A string of discoveries made it clear that steroid abuse was rampant in baseball allowed for some vindication. “Yeah, Barry might have done steroids, but so was most everyone else, but nobody else came close to what Barry accomplished. I’m forgetting something else. Oh, and all of you are jealous that he’s ours!”

Barry Bonds could always hit a baseball. He may have hit more baseballs further with the help of the cream and the clear, but Barry Bonds was quite simply an amazing player. His patience, eye, and ability to guess what was coming was mind-bendingly good. In a game where even the best hitters don’t reach base 60% of the time, Bonds was getting on base over half the time. Pitchers didn’t want any part of him, and when they did, they actually didn’t, because there was a good chance they were going to pay a large price.

Today, I thought about the reality that I’m never going to see Barry Bonds play baseball again, and it crushed me. It’s impossible to feel like you truly appreciated something once it’s gone.

The most painful part about it is that I’m positive I will never get to watch another player on the Giants that was as good, and as exciting as Barry Bonds. Every time he was to due up the next inning at home, the crowd would wait to go get their $8 beer. It was 3 or 4 must see events in every game. When I’d watch the Giants play road games, I loved to hear the cascade of boos coming from the stands. Those fans have hated Bonds, but at least he gave them melodrama. The next best thing from a loveable hero is a hated villain, because a hated villain brings out passion. Bonds had everything going for him to be an ultimate villain:

1)He was the best.

2)People thought he was a bad teammate, just an asshole person.

3)He was seen as a cheater.

I can’t think of a more complete villain. Yet, I have adored him from the time I saw him on SportsCenter with the digital Giants cap, to the time I publish this little piece of fluff.

Barry Bonds, you have given me more joy than anybody else, and for that, Sir, I salute you.

5 bucks to whoever can transcribe this

I gotta interrupt White Power Update for 2 minutes to bring you a Black Power Moment. You thought all Seattle had to offer was Sub-Pop records and exciting Supersonics basketb—Wait? what? Aw fuck. Well…I don’t feel like editing it, so just pretend that they still have the Sonics.

But, yeah. Check out this creepy racist.  It’s only fair that I show crazy people from all races, right?

 

I had no idea what he was talking about until he mentioned Mary Kay Letourneau, who was that teacher that had an insatiable craving for a 13 year old boy. Once he mentioned Letourneau, I pieced it all together. See, what happened was- PSYCH I still have no idea what he was talking about. But you thought I did for a second. Ha! You stole fizzy lifting drink! You LOSE! Good DAY sir! ahahahahaha

Ok I need stop drinking so heavily.

The Nigger Files: Can you say the word?

I’m gonna start a new feature here at the WPU, it’s gonna be called “The Nigger Files”.  It’s going to be about all the latest happenings with the world’s most hated word. 

Why am I giving it such an abrasive title? Well, because I can do whatever the fuck I want. Being half black rules!

So,  acclaimed rapper and actor  Most Definitely (Mos Def to his friends) challenged fellow blacktors Mike Epps, Donald Faison, and Wood Harris (is this a porn movie?) to refrain from saying the unholiest of unholies during the filming of their upcoming movie “Next Day Air”.

“It was something that was very important to us. It was our way of making a statement that we can express ourselves without using the N-word,” Harris told Starpulse.  

“But it wasn’t just in the movie that we banned the word. We also banned it on set,” he added. “No one could say it. At first it was difficult, but we really stayed on top of each other.  

Really? It was that hard…to not call each other “Nigga”? Congrats on the breakthrough, though.

So, Mos Def be damned, black people are going to call each other “Nigga” for a long time. I know white kids say it to each other all the time. You can’t hide it from me! I know all your darkest secrets! 

Being only a halfie, I wasn’t sure for a long time whether or not I was allowed to say it. Then again, I used to not be able to unhook a bra (may still be true).  I came to the conclusion, that: Yes I can say it. Why? Not because I have Jamaican blood in me, but because I say it with confidence. It’s like trying to sit in in the front row when you actually bought nosebleed seats. You just have to act like you know what you’re doing. Have your hands full with hot dogs and sodas, give the man a knowing smile, and just let loose with a “WHAT UP, NIGGA?”

Now, I’m not saying you won’t get your ass kicked. In fact, your entire life might fall apart like Michael Richards, but at least you can say you went down with style.

Now,  if you’re an aspiring white song writer, you can use the word but ONLY if:

1)You’re supporting a black man’s cause, like Bob Dylan in “Hurricane”

2)Telling a heroic tale from the perspective of an oppressed black man, like Two Gallants in “Long Summer Day”

Who else can say it? Well, you can, if you are:

1)A girl who regularly has sex with black guys. This doesn’t work for guys who have sex with black girls, though. Girls get more leeway, because they’ve had their own civil rights struggles.

2)A guy who’s married to a black woman. You bought the ring, and it comes with privileges. This also definitely works if a white girl marries a black guy..obviously.

3)Someone who is singing the lyrics to their favorite rap song. Don’t ruin the magical bonding moment of rapping with your friends by mumbling or omitting a key word. Chris Rock hits the nail on the head, like always:

 

So, yeah. Get your Dre on.